Going Too Fast
This is why it’s important to have good brakes (or a smart driver)
My desk asked where I’ve been lately.
I just sat down for the first time in a while, with a White Claw and an apple, no less.
It made sense to me. More the White Claw than the apple. I don’t eat a ton of those.
But maybe it’s a symbol of where I’ve been lately. All around — both in the physical realm and my own personal world.
My mind certainly floats quite a bit. I guess a lot of people’s do. It’s hard to keep us together.
A past version of myself spent a lot of time evaluating how things were going in my life. Most of the time, I was judging myself with how I think I should be rather than how the world sees me fit.
Do we ever really know where we’re going — or why we’re going there? We’re just making things up, based on one thing or another. There’s nothing concrete about who we are, who we should be, and why any of that is the case.
I’d write for a few hours, go to my nearby park, walk around for a little bit, and feel like I figured something out.
But I never did. I told myself why it was best I didn’t get with that girl; it was all a cope. I never really thought any of that. I just didn’t want to feel bad for myself.
Then there are times when I go too hard on myself — where I crush myself like a bug because I may or may not have disappointed someone. Or, better yet, disappointed myself.
At least I could forgive myself. I always tend to do that.
But the truth is, I feel like I’ve gotten off course. I took my current job of traveling the world and tour managing a band because I was bored as hell. I was living at home with my parents and writing about finance. When winter came around, I was totally SAD.
I’m a moron in most ways. One of those ways is thinking I could figure out how to navigate the music industry with no prior experience.
Somehow, I was kind of right. I’m doing just fine in this space. I’ve grown quite a bit.
Yet and still, I wonder if the time to step back and reevaluate is approaching.